Joy in pain.

Well, as of a couple weeks ago, my family has moved away from the people and place that I grew up: Colorado.  Even though it's been a couple of weeks now, the reality of me not living in Colorado anymore has truly hit me for the first time in these last couple of days.

We're all moved in with my Grandparents in Britt, Iowa on their farm now.  Our family just went to Lake Okoboji (the hot spot in Iowa ;D) for a missions conference and family reunion this last week.  It was so good to get some lake time, cousin time and conference time for that week.  What's funny though, is that us having been in Iowa for nearly two weeks now feels like a normal "Iowa trip" that we always take in the summer.  I'm so used to my family and I leaving for home (Colorado) after Okoboji time is done.  But this time, home is now in Iowa. (for a while at least!)  Us arriving back at the farm yesterday from Okoboji was when that reality of not going back to Colorado really sunk in.

You might wonder what feelings I have when that reality sinks in.  Well, to be honest, through out these many months of preparing for the mission field and this transition, God readied my heart to leave Colorado.  As much as I dearly love all of my friends in Fort Collins, I was beginning to feel extremely disconnected and eager to leave.  It was a painful kind of disconnect though.  I deeply care for the people in Fort Collins and want to be with them, but at the same time am feeling so incredibly distant- therefore making me want to leave as soon as possible.  Looking back though, I know that God was in those emotions and using that "disconnect" to make me ready and eager to leave.

How do I feel though, now that the reality has sunken in?  My heart hurts and wishes that I could be back in Fort Collins doing life with the people I've done life with for so many years.  I realize that I probably won't see a lot of my friends from Colorado for a couple years... how that makes me sad.  I realize that all of my friends will be having a normal senior year while I'm living in one place for part of it and another country for another.  I worry about loneliness.  Worries go through my mind like, "what if we don't get to Slovakia until November?  And if that's the case, who will I hang out with and what will I do that whole time?  Will I be spending my senior year half in Iowa and half in Slovakia?"  These are the thoughts and emotions that have run through my heart and mind over and over in these last couple of weeks.

You need to know though, that God has already used these emotions of transitioning and waiting to draw me closer to Himself.  I can't even tell you how many nights have been spent in tears, crying out to Him to give me peace and joy in the midst of the unknown and loneliness.  But in the midst of the tears He has reminded me over and over again to "Be still and know that HE is God."  I know that He has a reason for everything that happens.  His timing is absolutely perfect.  I don't want to go to Slovakia when the time isn't right, and I don't want to be there when I'm not ready.  Somehow, God uses seasons in our lives to prepare us for the next.  Right now I'm in a waiting season.  What I'm called to do in this waiting season is seek Him with all of my heart and trust in Him. I have a very strong feeling that He's going to use my time in Iowa to draw me closer to Him and to become more satisfied with His company alone.  I really want to use this "waiting room" to spend time with Him.

Another thing that I've seen over and over- is that God provides.  He blessed me so much this morning as I got to fellowship with the body of Christ in the Evangelical Free Church of Britt.  EFCB is the church that my Mom grew up going to and the church that my Grandparents still attend.  I felt SO welcomed by everyone and was told by many that they were excited to have my family around Britt for as long as we will be here.  I was even given ministry opportunities!  I felt so loved and cared for.  That love I know, is from God alone.  I praise Him for filling that need of reassurance that I will have fellowship with other believers and friends while I'm here in Iowa.

I am so very thankful that my Grandparents are keeping my family for however long we need to be here.  They are a huge blessing!  I know that God has some special times ahead while we're living with them.  All of this reminds me that God has me where He wants me to be for such a time as this.  I pray that I will use this waiting time in Iowa for His glory and not take it for granted.  I still long to be in Slovakia as soon as possible, but I will strive to be patient and "Be still and know that HE is God!".

"Wait for the Lord.  Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord!" ~Psalm 27: 13-14

I know this song has met a lot of people's needs since it came out... it has reasonated with my heart SO much lately!